Words. Tricky little trouble pots. You are either amazing with them, or you just simply suck.
1 week and 1 day since I wrote something, not too long. Though according to me, it feels exactly the opposite. My body is an air tight container, mind a hot summer day, and soul a carnival of human emotions. I need ventilation at regular intervals. Rusty brain and heavy heart never took anyone ahead, inhibition needs to be shed in order to have a lighter and comfortable journey in life. 1 week and 1 day since I wrote something, it literally seems way too long.
People have their own ways of dealing with their own self. The person they need to pamper, take care of, love, splurge on. The person that is within us. Though, we all have an inclination of depending on others to do that for us. Others being our loved one’s, the only bunch of people we have expectations from, hence evidently making a mistake. The lessons I’ve been taught in my life through different mediums have proven to be of great succor, although the way they were and are taught has made life an arduous journey.
In times of trouble when I often find myself drowning in the ocean of cogitation, I also think of the people who could possibly pull me out. And I can think of nobody, fortunately. Because that is when I realized that if I persist, I may really drown, blaming it all on contemplation. Everything and anything I may have done to reach the point before I started drowning, will be washed away with the salty splashes of the ocean I’m sinking in. My dreams will end up being nothing but a reverie, my actions of benevolence will be forgotten just like the deeds of the greater men and women. The love I have for the ‘one’ wouldn’t be as explicit as it should have. The joy and the happiness would never be known to the friends who incited it. My smile would be missed, my absence would be observed, my laughter would be dreamed of, and my voice would echo. All of this and more would occur if I wait restlessly for someone to pull me out, for I could think of no one who would do that. . .
I am not drowning anymore. No longer hindered by my malign thoughts. I pant as I strive to catch a breath, failing profusely. I keep trying, until my continuous attempts to hold on to myself is achieved. That very moment, realization dawned upon me. Clouds that covered my mind, eyes and heart vanish as it all becomes sunlit. And I opened my eyes to the truth.
Nothing in this world is yours. No one, no thing. Nobody but you are capable of making yourself smile when its the most needed. Nothing will give you more happiness than self-satisfaction. Nothing will help you pull up unless you want to. And you may never comprehend this unless you find yourself in a similar situation as I did.
Call this comeuppance or a benefit, but it is the reality I learned the hard way. Maybe everyone will, sooner or later. In this world full of bigots, we must learn to be our own support system, a pillar of strength. And if not, then we certainly must learn to swim!!